Sunday, April 22, 2007

The waiting is over

This 4 day weekend I walked a total of 45 km. The majority of the time I was on my own, with Carson. It's now my favourite part of the day. Him waking up in the morning is a close second. During my walks, I think (and sing, but that's another story) and I think and I think. I think about my family, my friends, my past, my future, things that have happened, things that might happen, what to eat for dinner, what I have to do when I get home... well, you get the idea.

I think at this point in my life, where I am now is where I've always wanted to be. I was walking along today, and this couple was coming up behind me (on the sidewalk) and rang their bell. SO I stepped to the side and made a little joke as they passed by. They ended up stopping and we chatted a little bit. It was a beautiful sunny day, I was out with my son, I was having a conversation with complete strangers (which rarely happens with me, I'm rather shy) and after I walked away I just thought wow. My life is great. I always felt like I was waiting for something. When I was in highschool, I was so excited for university. While I was in university, I couldn't wait to get a job. Once I got my job I couldn't wait to move up the ladder. Then I met Jeff and I couldn't wait to buy a house. Once the house was bought I couldn't wait to get married, then have kids. Well, now I'm here. I have it all. No really, I do. I truly am the happiest I have ever been. And what a fantastic feeling. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have said yes - but I wish that blah blah blah But now? Besides the "I'd like to lose twenty pounds", there isn't anything I need or want. I'm here, I'm where I want to be. And it's wonderful.

I love being a mom. I love being the type of mom that I am. I love being able to teach Carson, to love him, to help him grow, to do all of it. I feel lucky that I've been given the chance to do this. Since I've had Carson, I've changed as a person. I'm more outgoing, more responsible, more confident, happier, more self sufficient, more independant, just overall better in every way.

And I can't wait to do it again.

3 comments:

Marathon Someday said...

Lovely, lovely post. The best part is - you make such a wonderful mommy to Carson, and he's a lucky little guy - just as you are.

Marathon Someday said...

And holy smokes - 45KM!!!!!! You are awesome!

Kristen said...

Very nice post, you sound truly at peace with yourself and that's great. 45km is unbelievable! you're going to be back in your skinny jeans in no time :).