Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Feeling guilty...

I'm absolutely shocked at the amount of guilt I am feeling about the soon-to-be diminished amount of attention that I will be able to give Carson.

Carson is my life. I live and breathe him. I think about him every minute of the day - Jeff and I are both consistently around him, playing with him, talking to him, entertaining him, taking him here and there. Soon, there's going to be a new baby and our time will be divided.

And Carson doesn't know it's about to happen.

I KNOW it will just be a phase. I have a sister. I don't have feelings of my parents not paying me enough attention. I happen to be the younger sister but I don't think Carrie remembers feeling like her parents all of a sudden ignored her once I was born. So yes, I know these feelings will pass but just I've been looking at him and devoting every minute to him lately and I just can't imagine having to split these feelings between two little boys.

I love you Carson and I promise, you are going to be happy that you have a younger brother. You are a wonderful, caring little boy. I know you are going to welcome your little brother into your life and that you will be as in love with him as I know I will be.


desajair said...

Oh trust me, you'll find a totally NEW wellspring of love. And for me, it was super fun because Kailey got to take care of Kade with me--it was just something more for us to do together. So don't worry--Carson will be over the moon and it's so wonderful to have TWO!

Teri said...

Oh Christy ,
You will be so fine with your 2 babes! .and how lucky will C.J. be to have a brother!!
Two lucky lads .
I love you .
Today's the day .
Blessings to the 3 , almost 4, of you

Anonymous said...

Today is the day, and I'm thinking so much of you. What a beautiful day for your boy to be born.:-)

I heart you, Christy!


Miss Gogo said...

I totally know how you feel and I did the same with Ava. But you know what brought tears to my eyes? When Ava came home the other day from a playdate and said "I missed Ella". It completely erased every bit of guilt I had felt. In the long run Ella is as much of a blessing and gift to Ava as she is to Fraser and I. I know you'll feel the same. Carson will be so thrilled with his new brother!