Feeling guilty...

I'm absolutely shocked at the amount of guilt I am feeling about the soon-to-be diminished amount of attention that I will be able to give Carson.

Carson is my life. I live and breathe him. I think about him every minute of the day - Jeff and I are both consistently around him, playing with him, talking to him, entertaining him, taking him here and there. Soon, there's going to be a new baby and our time will be divided.

And Carson doesn't know it's about to happen.

I KNOW it will just be a phase. I have a sister. I don't have feelings of my parents not paying me enough attention. I happen to be the younger sister but I don't think Carrie remembers feeling like her parents all of a sudden ignored her once I was born. So yes, I know these feelings will pass but just I've been looking at him and devoting every minute to him lately and I just can't imagine having to split these feelings between two little boys.

I love you Carson and I promise, you are going to be happy that you have a younger brother. You are a wonderful, caring little boy. I know you are going to welcome your little brother into your life and that you will be as in love with him as I know I will be.

I do it by myself!

Tonight Carson jumped into the pool by himself! He had floaties on, but he stepped off the ledge and jumped into the pool (of course going under water) all by himself! Jeff was there, but told Carson he wasn't going to catch him and Carson still did it.

That boy LOVES the water. The heater in the pool wasn't working so it was a tad chilly (good thing I'm 39 weeks pregnant so I could easily justify not being the parent who had to go in the water) and Carson was shivering, his lips were blue, but he did NOT want to get out of the water.

He swam by himself too (again, with the floaties of course). Apparently he takes after both mommy and daddy as we were both water babies.

And here's the best picture I could get of his new haircut. Yep, he let me bring him in and get his haircut. He was so good and turned his head whichever way the lady asked. So very proud!

This is him in the pullout couch at Grandma's cottage, he of course had the bedroom and the kingsized bed all to himself but in the morning he got up and came out and got into MY bed!

Hansel and Gretel

My mom always used to say to me (probably still does) that she could tell exactly where I've been in the house because I was bad at leaving cupboards and drawers open, chairs pulled out.....

It's funny, this morning I went up to get the laundry from our rooms and I looked around my bedroom and I knew exactly what Carson had done! I've been sleeping with a pillow between my legs and when I get up in the morning it gets tossed on the ground. I went around to my side of the bed, saw my pillow with a little blankie beside it. I knew right then he had been lying on the pillow and covered himself in the blankie.

My makeup drawer was partway open and I could see a Thomas train stuck inside.

The mirror had little fingerprints on it.

The fan was already turned off (he loves playing with the fan, and I know I slept with it ON last night)

Like mother.... like son!

Bedtime

I know bedtime is different for all parents, but let me just recount ours from tonight. Carson had his sippy cup of milk and watched 25 minutes of TV like he does every night before bed. When the show is over, he runs over to the TV (ok, some nights like tonight he runs, other times he stalls and walks ever so slowly) to turn it off. Then he always says he wants mommy to take him to bed, but that's Jeff's job.

Carson - daddy is going to take you to bed, mommy is going to do some laundry.

Carson runs over to daddy - daddy you take me

Daddy says - take you where

Carson says to bed!

Jeff asked if he gave mommy a kiss good night, so he runs over and gives me a kiss and a hug and smiles and says goodnight mommy.

Up they go, two minutes later Jeff is downstairs and Carson is singing in bed.

I highly doubt we will get this lucky with number two :)

I love Sundays

When I don't have to work on Mondays :)

We decided to go to a little town outside Ottawa yesterday - Merrickville. We'd never been there before and it's such a beautiful little town. We walked around by the water, watched the boats go through the locks, went into some adorable little shops, ate lunch on the patio, watched the horse and carriages go through the streets, ate some ice cream, played on the grass and then took a short nap in the car and went onto Grandma and Nono's trailer where we went on the docks, played in the water, collected rocks, fed the chipmunks (COME OVER HERE AND EAT CHIPPY said Carson) and had some strawberries.

Picture of the nursery

For Carson, this is what the nursery looked like.

With a few changes, this is what the nursery looks like for baby boy two.

And this is one of the shirts I got for baby two - I found it rather appropriate, don't you?

38-39 weeks

Yowsa!

I've made up for...

The first two days of pure laziness on my maternity leave. Wednesday was of course, Canada Day - which we spent the whole morning at our community Canada Day celebration party thing. There were bouncy castles, slides, ride on jeeps, pony rides, obstacle courses, food, ball pits, car tracks.... and Carson and his cousins Ethan and Isabelle had a fantastic time!

Make a Smilebox postcard

After a much needed nap - we headed over to Carrie and Rob's for a BBQ. There were more kids, more food, a pool, a trampoline, water guns, big wheels, a big pile of sand dust with diggers to go along with it which kept Carson occupied for the majority of the afternoon and night.

Then yesterday I spent the day with my mother shopping - I got oodles of really really cute little clothes for the baby. Walmart for some baby necessities, Michael's for some crafts, Starbucks for a latte and Home Sense and Winners - well, cause I love those stores.

Then, all this morning my mom and I got the nursery ready - plus added some finishing touches to Carson's room. Then we went out for some spicy food for lunch, then I walked around looking at a few baby boutiques and got some really fabulous ideas for when the baby comes

I'm feeling WAY more ready now - did you see where I said the nursery is ready?!?! And it's really cute if I do say so myself. I'll take some pictures. Laundry is being done (I can't wait to put him in these adorable little summer outfits), so bring on the baby!!!!

I can't help but laugh..

At Carson's use of tenses.

Now a days he most oftens gets his now, later, after, soon right.... but just as short as a few weeks ago our conversations would sound like this

"Mommy I don't want to go to bed now" (saying this right before supper)

"Carson, we won't to bed until later"

"I want to go soon" (knowing full well he didn't want to go to bed soon)

Or, if he tried to bargain with you.

"Carson, you have 5 minutes to play until we have to go"

"Mommy I want one more minute" (again, knowing full well it's not like he actually wanted to leave sooner"

It's the addition of all these little words, getting past only using the absolutely essential words in a sentence that makes me smile and giggle at his little sentences.

Although now I just heard a conversation with his Daddy..

"Daddy's painting the room for the new baby when he comes"

"Where's the new baby Carson?"

"In mommy's tummy"

"yes, the new baby is coming soon and I'm painting his room so he can sleep in it"

"Not soon daddy, later"

And in this case, I think he knows exactly what soon versus later means.

First day of mat leave

And it feels weird.  Carson is at daycare so I'm at home.  Alone.  I don't remember the last time I've been at home, alone, for longer than an hour or so in the past 2 and a half years.

I have a huge list of things to get done but I think today I'm going to do a whole lot of nothing.  I know days like this will not happen again for another 3 years so I'm going to enjoy it.

Best part about summer?

Grandma and Nono's pool! Carson freaking loves the pool. Our winter was so busy on the weekends as it was that we never really got to the pool, so I was a bit worried about how he was going to react when we went it. Over the past couple weeks whenever we are over at my mom's he's gone into the back and been quite interested in the pool (although it wasn't clean then). So yesterday we made plans to meet the other grandchildren there - and as soon as we got up to the house Carson climbed out of his seat and ran up to the front door asking where the pool was. Then he tore through the house and out the back and started squealing. Yes, my son squeals. Good thing I wore my bathing suit over (obviously, under clothes!) because I barely had him out of his clothes and he was at the side of the pool, just waiting for me. I got in, he jumped to me and never looked back. If we were out for longer than 5 minutes (say, for dinner) he looked at me constantly asking to go back in the pool. He loved it loved it loved it.

37 week appointment

I'm doing splendid and so is the babe!

My blood pressure is good at 116/62
Baby has dropped
I'm now only measuring one week ahead

Doctor said he wouldn't be surprised to see me in the next week or so. Yikes. Now it's crunch time. And I have a to-do list the size of my arm.

Tomorrow is my last day of work, I was going to stay till the 30th but I've kind of transferred off all my files/projects AND, as mentioned above, I have alot to do at home so maybe a few extra days at home won't be so bad.

Feeling a little more ready

And really, don't I LOOK ready??



I took an early lunch break today and went to Babies R Us and bought a few things (a bottle, washcloths, receiving blankets, diapers) and am feeling a tad better now. Buying things always calms me down. We bought the paint and hopefully sometime this week we'll do the small bit of painting that needs to be done in the nursery. I lent out a whole bunch of my newborn stuff so I have to make a run out to Casselman to visit my good friend, her adorable little boy Myles and pick up some clothes. I started to freak out the other night thinking I didn't have much for him until I remembered it was just with friends!

I was going to try to work till next Tuesday, but I've been having weird cramps at the top of my stomach and I'm really quite bloated, so I'm thinking after my doctor's appt tomorrow morning I'll know if I should be off or not. Either way, it's only maximum of 5 working days left.

And let me tell you, if there's a next baby, I will NOT be due in the middle of the summer.

Happy Father's Day

Carson thinks he's pretty darn lucky to have Jeff as a Dad.  I KNOW I'm pretty lucky to have him as a husband.  From day one he's been totally hands on and has been more of a dad then I ever could have imagined, or dreamed of.  

This morning, thanks to Chantal, we heard about a touch a truck show.  For those of you who know Carson, you would know that this would be his absolute dream morning and he was totally in awe of all the trucks there.  He just ran from one to the other, you could see it in his eyes that he couldn't believe all of his favourite trucks were in one place and he could touch them!  And sit in them!  

Relay for life

Last night we went to watch Auntie Carrie give a speech for the survivors at the Cancer Relay for Life - then we all walked the survivor lap with her.

Here's Carson with his flower   
Eating cake 
Trying to escape from the ball tent
In the ball pit

Running up the skate ramp (is it wrong of me to somewhat wish that he loves skateboarding when he's older?)
Sliding down
Ethan sliding down
Daddy sliding down
Running!

I love my friend

I just got the following e-mail from one of my wonderful sweet friends who I've known for years....

So, I don't know if you've heard about the Alberta Finance Minister's
comments about dual income parents... and how raising children
"properly" means one parent should stay home. But it's been big news.

My co-worker just asked my opinion on it and I said that I struggle with
it. I think there's a line where people "need" two income vs we "want"
two incomes because we want a certain lifestyle...and then talked about
how I think the big question is into whom we trust our children's care
when we're not available.

I used you as an example of a family that has done things so well: the
research and time you spent finding your caregiver, the kind of
environment Carson is exposed to: hands-on, interactive, social with
other children and what a benefit that is to him and that you and Jeff
are conscious and intentional in making up for the time you can't be
with him by the quality of time you spend with him at home in the
evenings and on the weekends.

I thought it was important to share how impressed I am with your
parenting skills and that I brag about you being a fantastic parent.

It's funny...

You would think after being a mom to a newborn once, that I would remember exactly what I needed for a newborn the second time around. I had to go to Toys R Us to return a chair I bought for Carson (totally impulse purchase, it stayed in the car for two weeks before I returned it) and I decided to take a wander through Babies R Us. Because, you know, I've been told there's a new baby due in just 4 WEEKS.

It was honestly just as overwhelming as going in there before havign any children. The choices of soothers, bottles, blankets, bath toys, strollers, car seats... it's insane! True, I have alot of things from Carson leftover so it's not like I really have to buy that much. But I'd like to have a few soothers on hand in case baby two needs one. If I need a bottle, I'd like to have that on hand. I threw out all Carson's old washcloths, so I'll need those. Carson still LOVES his blankies (his receiving blankets) so I'll need a bunch more of those. And clothes? Carson was a winter baby so his newborn stuff is all winter stuff. I think I want a baby wrap - I've heard women tend to "wear" their second children way more, as there's a toddler running around the house to deal with. A double stroller? Sure Carson walks most places, but if we head to the mall, to a zoo, a farm - after a while he sometimes gets tired after an hour or so... so I'd like a double stroller. Which kind though? And my car seats are outdated (you can only use them up to 5 years) so now I need a new infant car seat. When I was pregnant with Carson I spent all my free time researching/reading reviews/testing... etc.... everythign for him. I haven't done a stitch of ANYTHING yet for baby two. Room has to get painted. Clothes taken out and washed. Diapers bought. The crib is back together, that's probably the only thing ready.

Sure if baby two wanted to come tomorrow we'd be OK... but I want to be better than OK, I want to be READY!

(Last doc appt everything was perfect - I'm measuring almost 3 weeks ahead so rather than 36 weeks I'm measuring 39... eek!) Baby's heart rate was 123 (normally it's been around 160 but doctor said that's ok). My blood pressure is 108/70 but my feet are the size of surfboards. Serious water retention going on there. Apparently I have my mom's genes (thanks Mom, don't pass on your creative talents but let me inherit the pregnancy weight/bloats).

Saturday

The most blog-appropriate picture I could find of the kids in the pool.

Petra giving the bear some loving
ZiaNadia playing tree or bush with Carson
Carson making his stand on not wanting to play ring around the rosie
Bouncing!
Sofia
Playing in the balls

Friday!

The week is flying by. This morning we went for breakfast at Cora's and then a shopping trip to Ikea. This afternoon it was stinking hot, so rather than head to the fair we just went out back to the waterpark.